yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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