There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I fill condoms, not promises.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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