i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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