Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
