Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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