He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
