Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
