First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
