I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I need moral support for this bender
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
