There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
