you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
