What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
