No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize