I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
