I only kidnapped one of them. chill
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dignity is for republicans.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
