I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
