And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
