My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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