i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
