there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
