I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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