If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
