About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
