you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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