Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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