you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
