dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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