why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
