When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize