I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
