She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize