So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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