I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
