evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
