Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
