Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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