i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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