Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
