Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
