i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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