I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sorry my hands just texted you
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
