Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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