What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
