Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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