Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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