So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
