I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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