I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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