Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
