I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
