I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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