Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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