you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
