No stitches, just platelets and will power
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
