Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
