Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
