I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
