help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
