i don't like sucking hair
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
