Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She's not a foreskin expert like you
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
