I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
