omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
