one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
