I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
