Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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