I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
