I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
