The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
