Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
